Short post this time, folks.

Another question from Jake of monstrous.com forums:

I am intrigued as to what happens to the body after it is dead. Does it disintegrate into dust, as the movies usually depict, or what exactly?

 If you remember Rule 6, you're supposed to set the fuckers on fire. That's because they don't turn to ash. This is the main reason engaging a vampire in public is a bad idea: even if you win, you have a body on your hands and you have to take care of it. Actually, disposing of a vampire would be a major, MAJOR pain if it was not for their bodies' acclimation to burning: vampires burn like dry tinder once you set them alight. After it's done all you gotta do its stomp on the bones and crush them to dust (after death, vampires' bones become very brittle, and are in fact hollow) and then scoot the ash off into the grass or whatnot.

-Tao

This quote comes from the forums of the amazing site monstrous.com. Jake asks:

When you kill a vampire, how do you determine that they are, in fact, vampires?

If only it was this easy.

One of the things about vampire hunting is that it is actually really hard to differentiate them from normal people. Because of the fact that there are, sadly, vampire-posers out there, it has gotten to be a lot harder to find real ones.

Vampires tend to be pale, and often have bluish discoloration in their lips, but at night this is actually very hard to notice. The only fool-proof way to know if your prey is an actual vampire is to catch them in the act of feeding.

This is why I was taught to only EVER engage a vampire after being 100% sure (Remember rule 5?). I cannot tell you how many times I was almost positive that someone was a vampire, but I had to let them go because of the word 'almost'.

-Tao

How do you stake a vampire?

I get this question a lot.

An arc stake, a throwing stake, and a cap stake.

The truth is, staking a vampire is hard. In fact, in most cases taking the thing's head off is a much better option. However, stakes are concealable (most of the time legally) and lighter than a blade. Also, if you know what you're doing and get a good stab in, you can, theoretically, drop a fucker in one hit. That being said, I have not been able to perform that feat yet. I've tried, but I missed.

First thing you should know is there are different kinds of stakes. I, personally, have three kinds in my box.

Cap Stakes

The first kind of stake is called a "cap stake" They're your basic, traditional stake and they're called cap stakes because if you don't stick a metal cap on them, they will break when you try to hammer them in which is a major inconvenience. These are the kind of stakes hunters have used for centuries. Traditional hunters often were presented with a mallet and stake upon initiation to their local lodge. (This tradition has carried over into modern times in some lodges. My lodge does not do this.)

The problem with a cap stake is twofold. first, they are not an effective weapon and you need to get really lucky if you have a chance in hell of using it effectively. second, the human heart is protected by a wonderful thing called the rib cage. The ribs and sternum are very good at preventing pointy objects from piercing the heart and for this reason, you need a mallet or hammer to drive the fucker in deep enough to paralyze the vampire. (I use the back of my hatchet, personally, because that means I have one less tool to carry.)

Arc Stakes

Arc stakes, or curve stakes, are much more reasonable when it comes to use as a weapon. remember that rib cage I was taking about? Yeah, arc stakes take care of that. The stakes taper slightly, and curve. They're also sort of flat, which does a couple of things: first, it lets you slip them in between ribs easier, and second, it makes them easier to carry. Basically all you have to do with these is jam them in between two of the ribs, usually about five or so inches from the sternum, and push. Push hard. with luck, you can slam the tip into the heart and the vampire will drop. Unfortunately it is not as easy as it sounds, and you may just as easily end up breaking the stake, or just missing completely.

Throwing stakes

I have one of these but I have never seen it work effectively. In fact, I think that anyone who carries a double-sided stake with the expectation it will actually work is entirely too optimistic, or simply expects a vampire's bones to be made of gelatin. I threw mine once, and I felt really dumb when it hit him, square between two ribs, and then hit the ground because there simply was not enough force behind it. So I stopped carrying it, but I keep it in my box because, hey. It's an extra stake.

Other stakes

Look around your room. You've probably got more than a few 'other' stakes around you right now. Chair and table legs, wooden pallets, grandfather clocks, whatever. They make stakes in a pinch, but I'm gonna be honest with you. If you're breaking chair legs as your only weapon, you're probably fucked. End of story.

-Tao

It's been a while, I know.

I am going to be updating this a lot more often and I apologize that this has taken so long.

In reference to recent events, especially in reference to "face-eaters" and "zombies" I want it to be pretty clear that zombies do not exist. They don't.

Now, that's not to say that one of these attacks was not done by a vampire. Because it was. And I am investigating. My entire lodge has been on the alert about this, so you can sleep well. We're on it.